It’s been almost three years since I’ve done one of these and as I lean into what is next for me and this work, I thought I’d share some of the things I’m afraid to tell you right now.
Here we go…
—> I’m not where I want to be…yet. My business has grown and evolved so much over the last 8 years and while I am very proud of how far I’ve come, I feel like there is so much more that I want to do. I’m not yet where I want to be in a lot of ways and there are days when I have no idea how it’s going to happen & I feel overwhelmed by it all. On my best days, I’m excited by all the ideas and the shifts I feel coming. Other times I feel completely anxious about how/when/if it will all come together. Most of the time I try to take it one day at a time and enjoy the ride, but let me tell you those “other” days can be a doozy.
—> The mom guilt is real! I’ve been so thankful to have a career I can do from anywhere and virtually at any time. With the pandemic and all things home-school in 2020, I’ve never been more thankful. On the flip side, I often question so much of what I do as a parent. I don’t know if “balance” is a thing, but over the years, I’ve desperately been trying to find a balance between the creative work I love and showing up and being present with my family. I generally don’t feel like I’m doing enough and am always striving to do a better job, but I suppose it’s a work in progress like anything else.
—> I never wanted a business. That sounds completely insane to put into words, but it’s 100% true. I never had a life long dream to work for myself, but I did have a dream to do work I love. I am my most creative, excited and high vibe self when I’m helping, serving, teaching, coaching and when I’m in the zone doing what I love. All the other “business” stuff like “marketing” and “scaling” kinda makes my skin crawl and sometimes I wonder if I’m not where I want to be yet because I’m not doing the ‘business’ thing correctly. I’ve always said I don’t really have a business plan and that’s still true. I am trusting that if I continue to follow the nudges, speak my truth, share what I have to offer & have my mindset on board with it all…I’ll get there.
—> Sometimes I wonder if I’m helping anyone at all. In some of my more wobbly mindset moments when I forget who I am and what I came here to do, I truly wonder if the last 8 years have been a bit of a sham. Like…am I really helping people? Am I really making a difference in the lives of my clients or am I just one big fraud? Sometimes I snap out of it quickly and other times it takes a few days for me to remember the big breakthrough moments that happen during this work. My 1:1 client work is so powerful and yet, sometimes I forget just how good it can be and how I have helped facilitate change for hundreds of clients over the years.
—> Ease isn’t easy for me. I recently realized I have a deeply rooted relationship with the idea of “struggle” and how I need to earn my ease and success in a very specific way aka through struggle. So, when things feel “too easy” I get a little anxious and antsy like I’m doing something wrong. Funny enough my deepest desire is to create more ease and freedom in my life and business and I don’t want to have to manufacture a struggle to get it. This is one of the big up-levels I’m dealing with at the moment and it’s been a challenge to say the least. It’s part of my journey that I will continue to share with you because I think there are a lot of people who feel similarly.
As always, I share this with you because I’m not perfect and I want you to know you don’t have to be either. I also want to be as real as possible. This is all a journey of learning, growing and expanding. There are ups, downs and challenges along the way, but it’s all worth it in the end.
So that’s it for this round!
Let me know if this is helpful for you. I’d love to know.
P.S. If you’re interested in checking out the past posts like this you can check them here and here.