Lamisha Serf-Walls

Celebrating A Day Of (Self) Love

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I couldn’t let this holiday pass without a post about love.  I am one of the biggest saps you will ever meet.  I cry at the drop of a hat, tear up during touching commercials, and I absolutely love romance and all that it entails.  And even though this day has become about giving gifts and cards etc. I still love it.  (I am a greeting card writer after all so it behooves me to be a bit sentimental.)

With that said I want to touch on something that doesn’t get talked about much, especially around this time of year and that is self-love.

All too often many of the greatest givers (myself included) have a tendency to forget or in some cases avoid all together the idea of loving ourselves.  It has been seen by some to be a narcissistic way of living if we tend to our own needs or recognize the gifts we truly have.  It has been all too common to downplay our strengths and focus on our weaknesses all while giving to and doing for others.  Sometimes we see that our needs aren’t as important as the needs of our child, partner, employer, or family and we disconnect entirely from what we want and need in order to give back to ourselves.  It is the lack of balance in loving another and loving ourselves that can cause frustration, fatigue, and resentment.

Is self-love a selfish act?  In my opinion it is not.  It is a necessity in order to effectively love another.  I know this because it has been a struggle of my own, one of which I have been working on for a while now and is one I believe we could all do a little more of.  Please don’t confuse self-love with boasting, narcissism, and the ego because it is far from that.

To me, self-love is accepting all of your being for who you are flaws and all and loving the person you were, the person you are, and who you have yet to become.  It’s not an easy task to do, but as we peel back the layers of ourselves and let them fall away, we uncover our truest selves…human beings full of love, inspiration, power, strength, and beauty.

How does this apply to accomplishing your dreams and goals?  I believe the more we love ourselves and accept ourselves for who we truly are, we view our dreams and goals in a new light.  Instead of not feeling good enough or worthy enough of our amazing gifts, we accept them graciously as they manifest.  So, today I ask you to take a moment and remind yourself that you are worthy of all of the goodness the Universe can give you, but first you must believe you are.

With that I will leave you with an inspirational quote I found.  May you always know you are worthy of your dreams.

Enjoy your Valentine’s Day!

“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.”
― C. JoyBell C.

 

Meditation Challenge Update: Day 44

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Today is day 44 of my 100 day meditation challenge and I have a confession to make.  I missed one day entirely.  I don’t know how I did it, or where my mind was, but I missed it completely.  I didn’t even realize something was wrong until the next day.  And even though the challenge is to do 100 consecutive days of meditation, I am not giving up.  I will continue my meditation not only for the challenge, but also because of the many benefits I am feeling because of it.

So far here is what I have noticed:

  • I am much calmer throughout my day
  • I am feeling more centered and balanced (though I could use more of each)
  • I go with the flow much more after my meditation
  • I am breathing through daily challenges
  • I feel less stressed

I noticed something else about my meditation practice today and that is what time of day is best for me to meditation. The first several days I was sort of fitting it in whenever I could.  During my work days it seemed logical to do it before work as a nice transition into the day, but after today I now know that meditating before the workday begins is optimal for me.

I had a few errands I wanted to run this morning before work and instead of meditating before going out, I thought I could work it in before work.  As you can imagine time got away from me and I made it back in just enough time to get clocked in.  I realized I had to squeeze my meditation in later.  The mere idea of “squeezing” it in made me a little stressed and on edge.  I managed to take some time during my lunch to get it done, however at that point it was much more difficult to become relaxed.

I also noticed my workday before meditating was simply off kilter.  I felt scattered and had difficulty focusing on what I needed to accomplish and now I know meditating in the morning is best for me.  Not only that but I think it is time for me to increase my meditation time.  Currently I have worked up to about 15 mins and I want to extend that within the next 30 days to around 20 mins or more.  I look forward to sharing the differences I experience with an extended morning practice.

I am also open to any suggestions you may have from your own meditation practice.  What works for you?

Profound Inspiration On Authenticity

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The world we live in can often times make us feel like we have to play a specific role in order to “fit in”.  For misfits like myself it can become a tireless task to be accepted by all groups and to attempt to be like everyone else when deep down we know, we are just us.  Many of us are taught from a young age to merely exist and blend in with those around us.  Sure we want to be successful but at what cost?  The cost of our individuality?

There are many things that connect us as human beings, but a vast number of things that make us unique as well and those things are what make this life experience so amazing. (In my humble opinion.)  The fact that we all have our own experiences, opinions, decisions, and choices in this life make it the huge melting pot that it is, yet many people can’t seem to understand that “different” doesn’t necessarily mean “bad”.  And so, many of us strive to live the lives we think we should when really our authentic selves are waiting to come to the surface.  For some it can take an entire lifetime of working hard to fit in, only to realize they were really meant to stand out and follow their heart’s desires all along.  Others realize it much sooner, but still live half of their lives ignoring and denying who they truly are on the inside.

These last few weeks I have been doing a lot of thinking about authentic living.  I have had times in my life where I felt like I needed to fit in and have since begun what feels like a huge transition into living truly and authentically from my heart, and part of that authentic living means accomplishing my less than normal dreams.  And as I have begun sorting through my own beliefs on what is normal and what isn’t, I stumbled across some profoundly inspiring information/quotes that I want to share with you.

In the January 2013 issue of The Oprah Magazine, Oprah interviewed spiritual teacher Carolyn Myss about discovering happiness and finding our true path in this life.  One of the questions Carolyn was asked was why are people so confused about what they are meant to do in this life and her response resonated with me to my core.

“Because they define their life by what they want versus what they have.”

Wow…how many of us can think of a time when we have found ourselves unhappy due to not having something in particular?  What if we all took stock of what we have and live from a space of gratitude for those things instead of trying to keep up with society and what they dictate is enough?  I don’t think our lives should be defined by our possessions or the things we want to have, but more by who we are…our true, authentic selves.

The interview goes on to discuss life purpose and how many people find achieving their dreams and goals as a difficult thing.  They often find they are met with resistance and struggle.

“People suffer when they pursue a life or chase a dream that doesn’t belong to them.”

I had to stop for a moment and really absorb what this statement suggests.  If we are traveling a path that is not ours, meaning we are trying to live a life that is not authentic for us, then we are likely to be met with resistance, frustration, and challenge.  That is not to suggest that achieving our own dreams won’t have its own struggles and life lessons, but there will likely be a distinct difference in how those challenges feel.  The key is realizing when you are operating from your true self and when you are attempting to achieve a goal simply for the way it looks on the outside.  Are you achieving your dreams because it is your soul’s purpose or are you doing it for other reasons?

So, how do we find our life purpose?  By that I mean our true, authentic path that we are meant to travel in this lifetime.  What if you don’t know where to start?  Carolyn suggests:

“Have no judgments about your life.  No expectations.  Give up the need to know what happens tomorrow.  Just be fully present and appreciate all that is in your life right now.” 

Again, I don’t think she suggests sitting around and waiting for life to happen for you, but instead to be fully present with where you are right now and to listen.  Listen to your inner voice, your joy, and your passion.  It is likely you haven’t heard what it is trying to say if you have been attempting to live a life that isn’t yours.  Enjoy this moment, be grateful for it, and listen to what comes up for you.  I think you will find your true self shine through and it may be 180 degrees different from the life you were trying to live, but I firmly believe when we are living fully from our authentic selves, life simply flows.  You might just find that your true path offers more joy, happiness, and peace than you ever imagined.

Are you willing to live from that place?

Gratitude: Accepting Mistakes

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I am finding my weekly gratitude practice changing and not in the way that I like.  As each week winds down I am finding it more difficult to remember specific moments during the week for which I am grateful, so I have decided to implement a daily gratitude practice written in a journal each day.  This will allow me to get into the flow of gratitude again and will help my weekly post here as well.

For this week as strange as it sounds I am grateful for accepting my mistakes.

As much as I would love to say (and feel) that I am perfect, of course I am not.  I make mistakes, but for some reason those mistakes affect me in a way that can be at times embarrassing and makes me really uncomfortable.  Of course no one likes to make mistakes, but that is usually where lessons are learned right?  Well I suppose I don’t prefer this method of learning lessons, I’d rather study the book of life, only there isn’t one.  So mistakes will happen and I will make many an I will learn from them (hopefully), though it isn’t always easy to accept.

Just a few moments ago, I realized I had made a mistake…several actually.  I was doing a task for my midnight hustle gig and it came to my attention that the link I had set up and sent to several people was incorrect.  This was the first time I had completed this task and I was a little anxious about doing it for fear of making a mistake, and sure enough I did.  Maybe it was my anxiety about making a mistake that caused it, or maybe my intuition was telling me to triple check everything.  Either way, the mistake was made.  Is it a world shattering, life altering, ginormous mistake? No, but sometimes it can feel that way.

So what have I learned???

I have learned to double and triple check my work.  I have learned to fix my mistakes as soon as I realize them and to accept it as a part of life.  Making mistakes doesn’t make me incompetent, irresponsible, or incapable of accomplishing my tasks.  What it does mean is that I am human and I am learning.

Mistakes are going to happen and when they do, I will look to them for the lessons they are teaching me instead of focusing on the how bad it feels at the time.  I am only human and what a blessing that is, mistakes included!

 

To Do or Not Do…That Is The Question

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Most goal setting techniques involve setting a list of steps and then acting on those steps one at a time.  It makes sense in some cases to do things that way, but that isn’t always the best method I am realizing.  Sometimes it is important to take some time away from “doing” and to allow your previous actions to take shape and to allow the Universe to work some magic.

I recently finished Marlise Karlin’s book The Power of Peace in You and in it she describes igniting the power of stillness and peace within and living from that space to discover a life better than you imagined.  You can read my full review here, but one quote I found that really hit me is one that discusses doing vs not doing as a way to accomplish your dreams.

“Often, the best thing to do is…nothing at all, allowing space for inspiration by leaving a void.  It is here, in this essential non-doing, where you release attachment to the outcome-that the miraculous emerges to show you a different pathway for getting where you want to go.  You can’t tap into the Energy field of inspired solutions or discover the unforeseen if you are always racing to get it done at all costs.” Marlise Karlin in The Power of Peace in You

This quote has proven to provide a profound shift in my thinking regarding attaining my goals and dreams.  I have since moved (albeit slowly) from a place of doing to a place of non-doing in some situations and while it has been somewhat uncomfortable there, I am learning that there is certainly some value in it.  The key for me is knowing when to do and not do.

I suppose like anything in life, this is a matter of balance.  Just like a farmer can’t continuously plant seeds in the same space over and over again and expect his crop to grow overnight, I must learn to be content with letting my own dream crop grow.  Sometimes that means allowing my ideas, creations, and thoughts to ferment before I do anything with them.   For instance, when I started this blog, I went through a long period of thinking, pondering, creating, and allowing the right name, niche, idea to come to me.  And when it finally did, there was no question as to whether I should act or not act.  Maybe that is the key.

Plant your seeds of imagination and plant as many as you come up with, but be patient as you allow them to take shape or die out because the ones that are meant to be will be.  When you provide the space of non-doing, you allow miracles to happen because let’s face it, if you are always trying to do, do, do, the Universe has no time to work on your behalf.  But, if you are like me, you might wonder what you are supposed to do in the time you are not working on your goals.  My answer (one I often need to remember myself)? Have fun.

When you are not actively working on your goals and you are providing a space for them to breathe and grow, do something fun.  Catch up on a hobby you have missed.  Read a good book, get outside in nature, have coffee with a friend.  Life is meant to be enjoyed and if you are working on your goals all the time, no matter how happy they make you, you are likely to burn out.

So what are you doing or not doing right now in regards to your dreams and life goals?