Lamisha Serf-Walls

The Real Deal…

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When I first set out to create my blog, I had this idea to keep most posts upbeat and positive.  I wanted this to be a place of inspiration, motivation, and information to help people move confidently in the direction of their dreams.  I wanted it to be a space of uplifting posts, quotes, and tips to help readers focus on the positive.  As a life coach, I thought it was my duty to keep things light, bright, and positive all the time.

I was wrong.

What I think makes me good at what I do is the fact that I am human and I struggle with many of the same issues my clients do.  I have bad days full of frustration, doubt, and sometimes fear.  I have had my experience with the Dream Crusher on more than one occasion, and there are days when I need to be reminded that I have the power and ability to live the life of my dreams.

I am not perfect.  Authenticity

I don’t always pounce out of bed with a beaming smile and positive attitude.  Sometimes I try too hard and more often than not, I need to take a step back from the immediate issue and look at the bigger picture.  My life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.  I often struggle with disappointment and worry as I move through my journey and instead of sharing those moments with you, I have remained silent.

There have been many days when I wanted to share something uplifting, but I simply wasn’t in that state of mind and instead of sharing with you my perspective and how I am learning to deal with various situations, I write nothing at all.  I have allowed my idea of being a super-human up-lifter get in the way of sharing my authentic self with you.  For that I am sorry.

Does it make me any less of a coach to confess that I don’t always have it together?  I don’t think so.  In fact, I think it makes me a more effective coach because I know what it is like to have down moments in life.  We all do.  And while I admit to having my fair share of struggles, I also have a variety of tools that I use to help combat those not-so-positive moments and they are tools that I want to share with you.

The truth is I love what I do.  I love working with people and helping them follow their inspiration to live the life of their dreams, but I don’t want to misrepresent myself in the process.  I am an up-lifter that sometimes needs to be uplifted and I’m ok with that, because isn’t that what life is all about?  It’s not about being perfect, it’s about learning, sharing, and experiencing life as much as possible.  And I have to say, if it wasn’t for the struggles I have (and will) encounter in life, I wouldn’t be able to help my clients deal with their own, because sometimes you have to go through it to understand it.

 

Fruits Of Flow (Not Force)

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flow

As I continue to move forward in my business I have had at times felt a sense of urgency to get everything done all at once. That part of me (which some call the Ego), is slowing down a bit while a more focused and intentional part of me emerges. Several weeks ago as I was writing in my journal, I wrote a phrase that felt so right in regards to my business.

“Joy, love, expansion, and endless opportunities are the fruits of my flow.”

It became a simple, yet profound phrase that resonated to the depth of my soul. I knew it was true.

So many times we think (as we have been trained to) that we will only accomplish our goals through sacrifice, hard work, challenges, speed bumps, setbacks, and a lot of blood, sweat, and tears and that may have been true at one time, but now I am beginning to believe there is a better way. A way that doesn’t require us to break our souls and sacrifice our being to create a life of meaning, joy, and happiness.

There must be another way.

I have often thought about quickly getting things done so I can move onto the next thing, but I found in planning this blog and my coaching business, that isn’t what my intuition is telling me to do. As a woman who as always operated out of the “gotta go, gotta go, I want everything right this very minute” mentality, I am slowly finding myself accepting that things will fall into place as they are meant to and I don’t have to bulldoze my way to the future. Chances are if I did, I wouldn’t be nearly as successful.

I don’t have a business degree, nor have I read the latest and greatest books on how to succeed in creating your own business, but I am finding that listening to my heart is the best way for me to accomplish my goals. In fact, Jess Lively (who I have spoken about several times on my blog) wrote something similar in her weekly newsletter this week (if you haven’t signed up for her newsletters you can do so here). She discusses the difference in “pushing” to make decisions in business(and life in general) as opposed to following the “pull” of your intuition.

Does that mean you simply sit around and wait for your next “aha” moment?

No. At least I don’t. I continue to think, dream, and imagine my future, but instead of setting the exact way I want it to happen (right now), I allow myself to follow my heart and inspiration. While I may have a “timeline” of when I want a particular service to roll out, something may come up that feels even better. The key is to follow what feels right, not what you think you are supposed to be doing.

Does it mean your dreams may move more slowly than they would normally?

Maybe.  Maybe not.  When I made the decision to start this blog, I did so with the intention of having it roll into my future life coaching website (which it has).  I wanted the name to be just right and yet I didn’t sit around trying to force a name that was just so-so.  Instead I allowed myself to be open to ideas.  Some days I wanted to just get started already, but I am glad I waited until I had the right idea because the name is what really inspired me to keep moving forward.

Today, I encourage you to look at the areas of your life where you are forcing the outcome.  Where can you ease off the gas a little to allow the space and energy for the situation to transform?  Are you listening to your inner voice or are you listening more to what you think you are supposed to be doing?  I am a firm believer in following your inspiration, in fact my coaching philosophy is centered around that point.

Imagine just for a moment what your life would look like with more flow and less force.  Set your intention and follow your heart and I promise you can’t go wrong.

Playing Catch Up: A Little Update

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I know it has been several days since my last post and I thought I would provide a bit of an update before I get back to “real” posts (whatever that means).  Last week I had a lot of great surprises and some realizations that I wanted to put together into one post to share and then life happened, so consider this your update.

I wanted to mention my gratitude for a few realizations last week because I wanted to remember the positive aspects of last week especially since this week has been a bit of a whirlwind.  With that said the two things I was really and truly grateful for last week were surprises and riches.

Last week I received a variety of surprises and while many times those can be thought of as dreaded inconveniences, there are also those delightful surprises that come out of the blue and those are the kind I am referring to.  Not only did I receive notification of another greeting card being accepted for review, but my partner received a promotion she was looking forward to and my work schedule changed.  The change was something I certainly wasn’t expecting, but appreciate because it provides more time and connection with my family throughout the week.

The other thing I was grateful for was the idea of riches.  I am not talking riches in the form of money, but in the many other forms it can take.  When I began thinking of all of the wonderful aspects of my life that are not tangible and monetary, I realized I have so much to be grateful for on a daily basis and it has nothing to do with the amount of money in the bank.  Friends, family, love, creativity, spirituality, and gratitude are all part of my riches that I am so grateful for in my day-to-day life.  And while I may often forget it, I wanted to bring my attention to it for the moment and for future moments when I am feeling a little down and need a reminder.

So those were my gratitude moments from last week.  Now for an update on the children’s book start date…

Unfortunately the day I set to begin writing my children’s book (yesterday) did not go as planned.  We have had a few days of chaos with a sick little one at home and that has changed plans, schedules, and routines a bit causing us to move things around to make room for what is important in the moment.  (Wasn’t I just grateful for surprises??)  So, I have not yet begun my children’s book since we have been playing catch up with work, house stuff, and life in general, but I will be getting back to it.  More on that later.

And for my last update, I am proud to say in the midst of chaos, surprises, and the amazing riches I have in my life I have maintained my meditation practice.  Not only have I been able to maintain my practice, but on some days I have even been able to do two 15 minute meditation sessions per day.  One in the morning and one in the evening which has been wonderful for my patience and sanity.

So there you have it, a summary post catching you up on some of the latest and greatest in my world.  I promise to have more “real” posts for you in the coming days, but until then I am off to play catch-up on some tasks for work and home.

Have a wonderful day!

Gratitude: Perspective

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Last week I had a few moments where disappointment had set in and I turned into a negative Nancy (momentarily).  It seemed that everything I have been working for just wasn’t enough and the things I needed to happen were going nowhere.  I felt stuck, frustrated, and hopeless.  It was not a good place to be, and I wasn’t a delight to be around for sure.  I knew in my head that the “issues” I was feeling were just my way of fighting against what was my current reality and that I needed to desperately find the positive in the situation for fear of falling into a dark abyss of despair.  It sounds much worse than it was, but you couldn’t tell me that in the moment.  So, I took some time to sit with my disappointment and while I felt like everything was going wrong, I slowly but surely came back to my normal self.  I began seeing the situation for what it was and decided to view it from a new perspective.

I am so very grateful for perspective because no matter what life throws at you, if you can shift your perspective for a moment, you can see things with fresh eyes.  For me it meant shifting my thoughts away from what wasn’t happening and moving them to what is happening.  It meant shifting my view of what I didn’t have to see the many blessings I do have.  It also meant viewing my current situation as a gift.  A gift of realizing even when things aren’t going as planned or aren’t moving as quickly as I would like them to, I am still blessed and exactly where I need to be at this moment.  For some reason that thought takes some of the heat off of myself and allows me to stop fighting the current of life and allows me to flow.  Of course you couldn’t tell me that in the heat of the moment.  I am a bit stubborn and can be emotional too, so before I can shift my perception I have to first feel the frustration, anger, and disappointment making sure not to let it linger too long.  I will chalk this up to another lesson learned or at least one I am continually learning.

Perspective is truly a gift.  What can you change your perspective on that would change your reality a bit?

 

Profound Inspiration On Authenticity

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The world we live in can often times make us feel like we have to play a specific role in order to “fit in”.  For misfits like myself it can become a tireless task to be accepted by all groups and to attempt to be like everyone else when deep down we know, we are just us.  Many of us are taught from a young age to merely exist and blend in with those around us.  Sure we want to be successful but at what cost?  The cost of our individuality?

There are many things that connect us as human beings, but a vast number of things that make us unique as well and those things are what make this life experience so amazing. (In my humble opinion.)  The fact that we all have our own experiences, opinions, decisions, and choices in this life make it the huge melting pot that it is, yet many people can’t seem to understand that “different” doesn’t necessarily mean “bad”.  And so, many of us strive to live the lives we think we should when really our authentic selves are waiting to come to the surface.  For some it can take an entire lifetime of working hard to fit in, only to realize they were really meant to stand out and follow their heart’s desires all along.  Others realize it much sooner, but still live half of their lives ignoring and denying who they truly are on the inside.

These last few weeks I have been doing a lot of thinking about authentic living.  I have had times in my life where I felt like I needed to fit in and have since begun what feels like a huge transition into living truly and authentically from my heart, and part of that authentic living means accomplishing my less than normal dreams.  And as I have begun sorting through my own beliefs on what is normal and what isn’t, I stumbled across some profoundly inspiring information/quotes that I want to share with you.

In the January 2013 issue of The Oprah Magazine, Oprah interviewed spiritual teacher Carolyn Myss about discovering happiness and finding our true path in this life.  One of the questions Carolyn was asked was why are people so confused about what they are meant to do in this life and her response resonated with me to my core.

“Because they define their life by what they want versus what they have.”

Wow…how many of us can think of a time when we have found ourselves unhappy due to not having something in particular?  What if we all took stock of what we have and live from a space of gratitude for those things instead of trying to keep up with society and what they dictate is enough?  I don’t think our lives should be defined by our possessions or the things we want to have, but more by who we are…our true, authentic selves.

The interview goes on to discuss life purpose and how many people find achieving their dreams and goals as a difficult thing.  They often find they are met with resistance and struggle.

“People suffer when they pursue a life or chase a dream that doesn’t belong to them.”

I had to stop for a moment and really absorb what this statement suggests.  If we are traveling a path that is not ours, meaning we are trying to live a life that is not authentic for us, then we are likely to be met with resistance, frustration, and challenge.  That is not to suggest that achieving our own dreams won’t have its own struggles and life lessons, but there will likely be a distinct difference in how those challenges feel.  The key is realizing when you are operating from your true self and when you are attempting to achieve a goal simply for the way it looks on the outside.  Are you achieving your dreams because it is your soul’s purpose or are you doing it for other reasons?

So, how do we find our life purpose?  By that I mean our true, authentic path that we are meant to travel in this lifetime.  What if you don’t know where to start?  Carolyn suggests:

“Have no judgments about your life.  No expectations.  Give up the need to know what happens tomorrow.  Just be fully present and appreciate all that is in your life right now.” 

Again, I don’t think she suggests sitting around and waiting for life to happen for you, but instead to be fully present with where you are right now and to listen.  Listen to your inner voice, your joy, and your passion.  It is likely you haven’t heard what it is trying to say if you have been attempting to live a life that isn’t yours.  Enjoy this moment, be grateful for it, and listen to what comes up for you.  I think you will find your true self shine through and it may be 180 degrees different from the life you were trying to live, but I firmly believe when we are living fully from our authentic selves, life simply flows.  You might just find that your true path offers more joy, happiness, and peace than you ever imagined.

Are you willing to live from that place?