Lamisha Serf-Walls

Letting Go Of The “How”

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Yesterday I set the date for action on writing my first children’s book.  I was excited, a little anxious, but mostly excited.  The words were forming in my head and if it weren’t for my day job, I would have immediately grabbed a pen and paper and started writing.  One of you wonderful readers called me brave for setting the date and I hadn’t even written one word yet.  I was feeling far beyond optimistic.  I had decided my dream would come true and nothing was going to stop me until….

I started wondering (more like worrying) about the “how”.  How am I going to get this writing contract by the end of the year when I didn’t know the first thing about getting a book published?  Do I need an agent or can I just send my proposal and manuscript on my own?  Where do I find the right publishers?  How long will it take?

The questions just wouldn’t stop and as I started researching the “how”, I became frozen in fear.  There were so many websites saying how hard it is to get a book published let alone a children’s book, and how long the process takes.  The rejections will come flying in or you won’t hear anything at all.  As I read all I kept feeling was my dream slowly deflating.  I wish I could say I was easily able to brush it off and find my positive place again, but I can’t.  Instead I fell into a fog of disappointment and fear that carried over to this morning.

I woke up feeling uneasy, overwhelmed, and just off.  I couldn’t put my finger on it but as soon as I began writing this post the fog began to lift.  I then remembered this…I don’t have to know the “how” right this second.  I don’t have to figure it all out right now.  If I can float on my excitement and creativity and keep my dream alive, the Universe will conspire to help me.  With a positive attitude I will be led to the path that is right for me and while so many naysayers (online at least) have stated the difficult road that lies ahead, I am choosing to believe it doesn’t have to be that way.  Just as easily as so many other pieces in my life have fallen into place, this will too one way or another.

I don’t have to know the “how” in order to believe it is possible.  In fact, no knowing the “how” makes it that much more exciting.

Profound Inspiration On Authenticity

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The world we live in can often times make us feel like we have to play a specific role in order to “fit in”.  For misfits like myself it can become a tireless task to be accepted by all groups and to attempt to be like everyone else when deep down we know, we are just us.  Many of us are taught from a young age to merely exist and blend in with those around us.  Sure we want to be successful but at what cost?  The cost of our individuality?

There are many things that connect us as human beings, but a vast number of things that make us unique as well and those things are what make this life experience so amazing. (In my humble opinion.)  The fact that we all have our own experiences, opinions, decisions, and choices in this life make it the huge melting pot that it is, yet many people can’t seem to understand that “different” doesn’t necessarily mean “bad”.  And so, many of us strive to live the lives we think we should when really our authentic selves are waiting to come to the surface.  For some it can take an entire lifetime of working hard to fit in, only to realize they were really meant to stand out and follow their heart’s desires all along.  Others realize it much sooner, but still live half of their lives ignoring and denying who they truly are on the inside.

These last few weeks I have been doing a lot of thinking about authentic living.  I have had times in my life where I felt like I needed to fit in and have since begun what feels like a huge transition into living truly and authentically from my heart, and part of that authentic living means accomplishing my less than normal dreams.  And as I have begun sorting through my own beliefs on what is normal and what isn’t, I stumbled across some profoundly inspiring information/quotes that I want to share with you.

In the January 2013 issue of The Oprah Magazine, Oprah interviewed spiritual teacher Carolyn Myss about discovering happiness and finding our true path in this life.  One of the questions Carolyn was asked was why are people so confused about what they are meant to do in this life and her response resonated with me to my core.

“Because they define their life by what they want versus what they have.”

Wow…how many of us can think of a time when we have found ourselves unhappy due to not having something in particular?  What if we all took stock of what we have and live from a space of gratitude for those things instead of trying to keep up with society and what they dictate is enough?  I don’t think our lives should be defined by our possessions or the things we want to have, but more by who we are…our true, authentic selves.

The interview goes on to discuss life purpose and how many people find achieving their dreams and goals as a difficult thing.  They often find they are met with resistance and struggle.

“People suffer when they pursue a life or chase a dream that doesn’t belong to them.”

I had to stop for a moment and really absorb what this statement suggests.  If we are traveling a path that is not ours, meaning we are trying to live a life that is not authentic for us, then we are likely to be met with resistance, frustration, and challenge.  That is not to suggest that achieving our own dreams won’t have its own struggles and life lessons, but there will likely be a distinct difference in how those challenges feel.  The key is realizing when you are operating from your true self and when you are attempting to achieve a goal simply for the way it looks on the outside.  Are you achieving your dreams because it is your soul’s purpose or are you doing it for other reasons?

So, how do we find our life purpose?  By that I mean our true, authentic path that we are meant to travel in this lifetime.  What if you don’t know where to start?  Carolyn suggests:

“Have no judgments about your life.  No expectations.  Give up the need to know what happens tomorrow.  Just be fully present and appreciate all that is in your life right now.” 

Again, I don’t think she suggests sitting around and waiting for life to happen for you, but instead to be fully present with where you are right now and to listen.  Listen to your inner voice, your joy, and your passion.  It is likely you haven’t heard what it is trying to say if you have been attempting to live a life that isn’t yours.  Enjoy this moment, be grateful for it, and listen to what comes up for you.  I think you will find your true self shine through and it may be 180 degrees different from the life you were trying to live, but I firmly believe when we are living fully from our authentic selves, life simply flows.  You might just find that your true path offers more joy, happiness, and peace than you ever imagined.

Are you willing to live from that place?

Dreams, Goals, and Bucket List Items

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This evening I took some time to review my list of dreams located on my blog as I wanted to see what still fit and what didn’t.  I also planned on adding a few items that I have been thinking about for a few weeks, and I realized something.  The items I listed on my “Dreams” page weren’t all dreams.  In face I found they fit into one of three categories; Dreams, Goals, or Bucket List Items.  I had never really thought about the difference myself, but tonight I was struck by the various “dreams” I had listed, and realized that each had a different feel to me.  So what is the difference?

Dreams

For me dreams come from a place of passion and desire.  There is a spark and a constant inspiration to achieve these items. For me personally my dreams invoke a sense of service to others in an attempt to touch lives and to inspire, motivate, and create positive change, both with my clients and in the world as a whole.  These are the things I don’t go a day without thinking about.  They are the things you can find me talking about to anyone that will listen.  And though they may take longer to achieve, the fire is still burning bright.  They are things I need to do and in some cases are the very things I feel called to do.  My life purpose if you will.

Goals

Goals on the other hand are more checkpoints or markers on my journey.  These are things that aren’t a necessity in my soul, but are more of an accomplishment.  You might even say these are ego driven in how specific they may be. At some point I may have a goal that sets a specific number of clients in a month or amount of money I want to bring in from writing each month.  My goals are things I want to accomplish and are things I strive for, but they are not things I think about daily.

Bucket List Items

My bucket list items are simply that.  Things I want to do or experience to enhance the fun and adventure in my life.  Things I want to try that I have never tried, places I want to visit etc.  They are things that would enhance my experience in this life and are likely to teach me lessons along the way, but are purely for the experience.

Each of these categories of things, accomplishments, and intentions are slightly different from the other, but they are all areas that are important to me.  And though I may not complete all of the items on every list this year, I am sure that by simply having the list, I will accomplish more than I would otherwise.

Please visit my updated list here, and feel free to share your own dreams, goals, or bucket list items.  I would love to hear about them!