Lamisha Serf-Walls

Something Life Coaches Probably Shouldn’t Say (But I’m saying it!)

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photo credit: Back doors. via photopin (license)
photo credit: Back doors. via photopin (license)

I’m gonna just cut to the chase here.

When shit hits the fan, life begins to feel weird, or you are going through a major life transition and emotions and such come up to be released…you have my permission to WALLOW.

Yes, that’s right.

Today I’m giving you permission to wallow and it’s probably something life coaches shouldn’t say, but you’re human.

I’m human.

We are all human and we all on occasion have situations that call for a bit of a wallow period.

It’s actually a normal and very healthy part of living if you ask me, but it’s something so many people will tell you NOT to do.

“Look at the bright side.” they say.

“Focus on the positive.”

“Think happy thoughts.”

And while normally I would agree with many of those statements, there comes a time when you just need to feel the feels.

Cry. Take a day off.  Cry some more.  Take a walk.  Journal about your feelings or simply sit with them and let them be there for a bit.

Crying is cathartic.  It’s part of the healing process for many and it’s a form of release both energetically and emotionally.  It allows you to let the energy of the past and frustrations of the present to pass on by so you can make room for the higher vibration emotions.

As a coach who empowers others and speaks so highly of mindset work, it might be a bit weird to hear this coming from me, but believe me when I say I am speaking from experience!

Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows and as the old saying goes, you can’t have rainbows without a little rain. 

So embrace it.  Allow it. And if you feel the need to wallow…wallow baby.

BUT…

And this is a big but, (I cannot lie).

Don’t get stuck there.  Don’t allow your emotions to be so overwhelming that they consume you, holding you hostage.

Resisting emotions and “thinking happy thoughts” to avoid the release isn’t healthy, and neither is swimming in hurricane of emotions for weeks or months.

It’s about balance.

Allow the emotions to come up to be released and then begin moving forward again.

Trust YOUR process.

My process is generally 1-2 days of wallowing (usually closer to 1) and then I’m back in action.  Your process might be a bit different.

It might include a few days of social media detox, hot showers, and settling in with a really good book, but whatever your process is…do it!

Emotions aren’t bad things, in fact they are the very things that make us human.  They are important.

And while yes, they are also what create our reality, the more you resist the seemingly ‘negative’ emotions, the bigger they become and the bigger the shit storm is in your life.  (True story.)

So…if life’s been a bit rocky lately or you are going through a transition and are feeling out of sorts…this is your permission to wallow baby.

But…promise me you won’t get stuck there too long ok?

Tissues anyone?

The Truth About Living the Life of Your Dreams

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photo credit: DayDreaming via photopin (license)
photo credit: DayDreaming via photopin (license)

When I talk about living the life of your dreams, it comes with a certain spark and twinkle about what may be.  Having a beautiful life full of amazing people, love, abundance, joy, and for me a career that I adore doing what I love.  But, something I don’t often talk about is the not so sparkly stuff…you know the ‘life’ stuff.

I may have set up a pre-conceived notion that when you finally attain the life of your dreams then life is nothing but rainbows and sunshine.  That money flows, your health is amazing, and your love life-well it’s better than ever before.  And while yes that may be part of your story, it’s not all made up of rainbows and sunshine.

The truth is…shit happens.

I was reminded of this fact just last week.

My internet was down, my modem died, my dryer wasn’t working properly, and I ended up late to a client appointment because I mis-read my schedule…all on the same day.

The old me would have pitched a fit, complained, and made an annoying situation even worse by turning it into a bad day.

The new-growing-living-and-learning-me responded differently.

I handled all of the glitches with as much ease as I could and then I took the rest of the day off.

I like to think that I am living the life of my dreams.  I am doing work I love, from home, and I have a beautiful family that I love with all my heart.  Sure I have new goals and big things I want to accomplish this year and I know I will, but for now, I’m happy.

The difference between my pre-dream life living and now is that I used to allow my outer circumstances dictate how I think and feel about everything. 

I am growing in that way because now I don’t do that nearly as often.  Sure, there are times when I forget and have a moment or two where my vision is blurred and I react as opposed to respond to life, but I am still learning.

So, why am I telling you all this?

I’m telling you because there are SO many wonderful changes that come with living the life of your dreams aside from the ‘stuff’.  Your mental shifts are worth more than the money, the house, the car, the job etc.  Your mental shifts are incidentally what help you create the life of your dreams and help you when shit happens afterward.

In addition to ‘having it all’, you will:

  • Learn to respond to life in a loving way
  • Enjoy life so much more even with the ups and downs
  • Know that when shit happens, it doesn’t last forever
  • Be the example for others to do the same

And when I think back to those very important details about living this life, I find them to be far more valuable than the ‘stuff’.

There is so much to be gained in living the life of your dreams and if you aren’t currently living a life you love, what are you willing to change?

0001-23099893I currently have 2 spots left in my Breakthrough Program for February!  This is my signature program that will not only shift your mindset, but help you create the life you’ve always wanted.  If you’ve been thinking about how to take the next step toward your dream life, this is it!

Schedule your 30-Minute Consultation today to see if we are a good fit.  I look forward to connecting with you!

 

My BS: Who Am I To Help?

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Earlier this week I shared this post with my VIP tribe and while it’s a bit of a vulnerable post, I realized how important it is for me to share it with you as well.  May you find comfort in knowing that you are not alone and join me in facing your BS head on, because honestly it’s hard to change anything with that junk holding you back.

Ok, it’s time for me to get something off my chest.  It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently as I have been facing the BS (aka Blind Spot) that has been holding me back and I’m done with it!

The past two months have been pretty tough.  The positive side of me wants to tell you all about the growth, the lessons, and the beautiful blessings in disguise and while there was a lot of that going on that’s not always how it felt. There is another part of me that remembers the worry, the fear, the frustration, and at times the overwhelming tears.In the midst of chaos at home, schedules being thrown out the window, and lots of change going on both personally & professionally, I was forced to face my BS…head on.

The BS I’m talking about is both bull shit & something you may know as my Blind Spot.Yep, in the middle of sharing with you how your BS can hold you back, mine was there waiting for me, trying desperately to get me to not only play small, but quit playing all together. (Funny how that happens right?)  And once I realized what it really was that was holding me back in my business (with the help of another coach), I knew I had to share it with you.

So, here is my most recent experience coming face-to-face with my BS.  My hope is that when you hear my story, you leave with a deeper understanding of how imperative it is to identify and clear your own Blind Spot and you have a bit more compassion for yourself.  Regardless of who you are, what you do, or what area of your life is affected, we all have thoughts & beliefs that are holding us back in our careers, love, relationships, and life in general.  And the best part of all: there is a way to identify and clear it!

Coming face-to-face with your BS isn’t fun or all that comfortable, but I assure you it is the first step to living that amazing, free-flowing, ever expanding life of your dreams.  It is almost as if we believe we can’t or shouldn’t have it all, but as one of my favorite quotes says:

“We ask ourselves: Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?” 

~Marianne Williamson

Go be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous and clear the BS that is in your way!  You have an amazing life of freedom and flow to live so hop to it!

I believe in you,

Moving Through the Storm and Into the Sunrise

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photo credit: Hamed Saber via photopin cc

Last week I shared a few videos on how to add a bit more self-care into every single day.  It seems fitting since this week I need not only a little, but it seems quite a lot.

I am moving through a period of transformation not just in my business, but also in my personal life.  I am uncovering another layer of who I am and learning to be with whatever comes up which for me can be a pretty emotional process.  You see, I am realizing that some of the lessons I thought I learned (and incidentally mastered) are resurfacing for deeper clearing and healing.  It’s like going through college and taking Psych 101 and moving onto Psych 205.  More info, more processing, more to integrate into everyday living.

So here I am in the center of what I call for my clients a ‘blissful breakthrough‘ though I am not quite at the bliss yet.  I’m still in the uncovering, releasing, and accepting phase.  Loosening old thoughts that have been lodged in my psyche for as long as I can remember.  Letting go of the crud that has weighed me down over the years and releasing the expectation that the world must shift in order for me to stay present, be successful, and happy.

As far as shifts go, I know them well.  I have gone through many periods of growth followed by long periods of plateau and here I am in the growth phase once again.  And in my experience after the emotional upheaval that may come, the silence, and the shift comes incredible clarity.

It’s almost like being in the middle of a treacherous storm.  Heavy rain, powerful wind, and old debris falling away only to be followed by the most amazing sunrise that only comes after a powerful storm.

The storm is your breakthrough.  The sunrise is your bliss.  Moments like these remind me why I am able to do the work I do.  It’s because I get it.  I’ve been there and am still learning, growing, and evolving.

As for the current lesson, I am allowing and not fighting it.  Accepting it and not resisting it because I know what lies on the other side of this and I have a choice.  I can fight it, hide it, and ignore  it or I can accept it, allow it, and choose to see the sunrise again.  I choose the sunrise.  Because even on the darkest day, with heavy rain, and crazy wind, I know the sun will rise again.

And while I am being a bit tight-lipped about the specifics of the lesson and my current situation, I want you to know this: Lessons in life are inevitable, but even with them all you get to decide how you feel, what you do, and what you want out of life.  So decide what you want and be willing to experience the lessons along the way and heal what needs to be healed.  It is there you will find your bliss.

<3 Lamisha

 

The Real Deal…

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When I first set out to create my blog, I had this idea to keep most posts upbeat and positive.  I wanted this to be a place of inspiration, motivation, and information to help people move confidently in the direction of their dreams.  I wanted it to be a space of uplifting posts, quotes, and tips to help readers focus on the positive.  As a life coach, I thought it was my duty to keep things light, bright, and positive all the time.

I was wrong.

What I think makes me good at what I do is the fact that I am human and I struggle with many of the same issues my clients do.  I have bad days full of frustration, doubt, and sometimes fear.  I have had my experience with the Dream Crusher on more than one occasion, and there are days when I need to be reminded that I have the power and ability to live the life of my dreams.

I am not perfect.  Authenticity

I don’t always pounce out of bed with a beaming smile and positive attitude.  Sometimes I try too hard and more often than not, I need to take a step back from the immediate issue and look at the bigger picture.  My life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.  I often struggle with disappointment and worry as I move through my journey and instead of sharing those moments with you, I have remained silent.

There have been many days when I wanted to share something uplifting, but I simply wasn’t in that state of mind and instead of sharing with you my perspective and how I am learning to deal with various situations, I write nothing at all.  I have allowed my idea of being a super-human up-lifter get in the way of sharing my authentic self with you.  For that I am sorry.

Does it make me any less of a coach to confess that I don’t always have it together?  I don’t think so.  In fact, I think it makes me a more effective coach because I know what it is like to have down moments in life.  We all do.  And while I admit to having my fair share of struggles, I also have a variety of tools that I use to help combat those not-so-positive moments and they are tools that I want to share with you.

The truth is I love what I do.  I love working with people and helping them follow their inspiration to live the life of their dreams, but I don’t want to misrepresent myself in the process.  I am an up-lifter that sometimes needs to be uplifted and I’m ok with that, because isn’t that what life is all about?  It’s not about being perfect, it’s about learning, sharing, and experiencing life as much as possible.  And I have to say, if it wasn’t for the struggles I have (and will) encounter in life, I wouldn’t be able to help my clients deal with their own, because sometimes you have to go through it to understand it.