My heart hurts.

My soul is saddened and my mind can’t make sense of the world in which we live where violence and hatred are all over the news at any given moment.

Tears fall as I try desperately to hold onto the little light that I can see as souls from all over the world come together to mourn, love, support, and share their alliance with the LGBT community following the tragic event in Orlando this weekend.

You see, not even 12 hours prior to the deadly massacre, I was walking with my family in the Pride Parade for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention to raise awareness for the souls who feel suicide is their only choice.

The amount of love, support, appreciation, joy, and community I felt as a lesbian woman walking during that parade is unparalleled.  It’s the same kind of support, joy, and love you feel when you are in a room full of people who honor you for YOU…ALL of you.  And likely the SAME feeling the men and women felt as they entered their safe haven for the evening at Pulse in Orlando.

I have cried puddles of tears in confusion and sadness because I could have been one of the victims of such a heinous act, but beyond that- it could be anyone of us for any reason, difference, or distinction.

I’m ANGRY.

I’m angry that those lives were taken.

I’m angry that I could have been one.

I’m angry that there is so much darkness in the world and that so many amazing souls feel the need to hide their light for fear of persecution and judgement.

I’ve LIVED in the darkness, hiding my truth because I was afraid of what others might think.

I’ve LIED my way through life, going through the motions of what other people wanted me to do and who they wanted me to be until one day I couldn’t do it anymore.

I’ve been FEARFUL of what might happen to me if anyone ever found out the truth and to be honest, there is a part of me that wants to creep slowly back into the closet where it’s “safe” because I don’t want to be a victim.

But there’s a bigger part of me that says FUCK that.

Hiding isn’t what we need right now.  Fear isn’t want we need right now.  Retaliation isn’t what we need right now.

What we need is the courage to stand up in our TRUTH and to HONOR who we are AS we are.

We need LOVE, LIGHT, PEACE, COMMUNITY, and CONNECTION.

We need EACH OTHER.

Despite the darkness,  I DO believe LOVE will always win, but I want it to win NOW, not later.

This incident is but one example of how hatred, separation, and fear are keeping us apart and yet there are SO many other issues that are born from the same hatred and fear.

This isn’t about hate against one community or another, it’s merely an example of a bigger problem we are facing and one that we will NEVER solve with the same thoughts, energy, and focus that created it.

This is about YOU and I.
This is about HUMANITY.
This is about getting back to the spark of the DIVINE that we were ALL born with and that connects us all.

This is about creating a world of LOVE…period.

I REFUSE to allow accept this way of life as “normal”.
I REFUSE to live in FEAR.
I REFUSE to return to the DARKNESS.

Love will win and I will continue to do my part to empower, uplift, and inspire my tribe to speak, honor and LIVE their truth in LOVE.

That’s what this life is all about.

My hope is that you will stand with me.